For years I’ve felt like something was missing. So much has happened in my life in such a short time, and I needed guidance. I needed faith in something. As an adult, I’ve always felt the Goddess. Felt her presence in everything in nature, in the miracle that brought each of my daughters to be. It’s the love a mother has for her children, that maternal instinct personified.
I need the Goddess, in my heart and in my life. And I think she needs me. In her own way, she needs to be a part of my life as well. I am her child, she is my Mother. I want to share her with my daughters, so they may feel powerful and strong in womanhood and in life. In today’s society it isn’t safe to be a woman, let alone a woman of color. The Goddess is our Protector, an example of standing for oneself and being proud. I want my girls and I to stand strong for ourselves and each other.
I want peace for us. I’m not asking for a cure-all band-aid. I just want my mind to know peace. I want to know that we are in her hands, and I strive to be worthy enough for her to hold. I’ve had trouble in my past, like most of us. I struggle daily with severe mental illness. I feel as though I don’t know what the next day will bring, I’m full of uncertainty. I’m hoping, that this journey will bring me to a place of peace. A place with calm.
I realize there are skeptics out there. People that will look at myself and my daughters as if we’re mad. Perhaps they’re right. But to believe in something is powerful. It doesn’t necessarily give you purpose, as most religions claim to do. It does much more than that. It makes you feel comfortable about yourself and your life. The greatest feeling in the world is contentment. To be content with your life, where it’s heading, and who is in it.
I’ve never been fully contented and at peace with my life, where it is, and who is in it. There are of course days, moments, where I thank the Goddess for what she has helped me to achieve. I love my family more than anything. I love that my girls are happy, loved, and cared for. That we make it through each day as a team. I do find peace in them.
It’s not as if they aren’t enough, I just have so many doubts that I need help to get through. Suffering through mental illness isn’t reserved for the person afflicted. It impacts everyone in their life. I hate that my family suffers along with me. I hate that on some days Mommy is tons of fun, and others Mommy won’t move. Finding something greater than me helps. It helps to look up to the Ultimate Mother as an example. I will dedicate my life to become the best person I can be. The best mother I can be. That is why I dedicate myself to her.